My husband loves me. Well, maybe not with the same kind of passion as when our story began. Love changes over the years, the way people do. Nevertheless, we’re both thankful we’re together.
But it’s not unusual after 30 or 40 years of domestic “bliss” to think about other possibilities once in a while.
Come on, like you never day dreamed about Richard Gere or Channing Tatum or David Beckham?
Every man I’ve day dreamed about, unfortunately for them—and for me–is dead: Clark Gable, Burt Lancaster, Marlon Brando before he looked like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade balloon.
Ever since my husband bought an iPhone, there’s been another woman in our marriage. Once he found Siri, it’s been “Hey, Siri” day and night.
He no longer turns to me to find out who won the Yankee game he fell asleep watching. She knows and she knows every ball player’s statistics since the “New York Nine” defeated the “Knickerbockers” 23-1 in 4 innings in Hoboken, NJ, in 1846.
She can even spell.
My husband calls out to her 24/7.
Unlike me, even if we’re in bed, she’s always responsive.
Unlike me, she never gets annoyed. Or angry. Or bored. No matter what he asks.
Unlike me, I’ve never heard her find fault with him. No, “Stop slurping your soup,” “Don’t you keep your eyes open when you get a haircut? “Do something about your snoring or sleep on the couch.”
He never asks her to do what he expects me to do: his laundry or run to Walmart for the meds he forgot to pick up.
Is Siri the kind of wife men really want? Someone who shuts up and never complains? I bet if she’d be available for good sex 24/7, we’d all be replaced.
What does a man want in a wife, anyway? Besides sex? He wants a wife who looks good, cooks good and takes charge of the kids and the house. He wants someone who is fun to be with. He wants understanding, appreciation, and respect. He wants someone who won’t hold grudges. He wants peace and free time. Did I mention sex?
He wants Margaret Anderson in Father Knows Best and Wonder Woman.
Siri is a robot, isn’t she?
You’re just a button click away–
and I’d love to hear from you.
About your world, your family,
your joys and frustrations,
growing up, growing older, even recipes–
even though I stopped cooking–by request–years ago.
Goodbye until next time…
Hope your day turns out as well as I hope
(but doubt) mine will,
Gingy (Ilene)
I so look forward to your blog, wish you wrote more. This made me laugh, even tho I can’t relate because Gary has the bare minimum of a phone that probably costs about $4 a year… I’m sure he doesn’t know what Siri is. Your notion reminds me of the movie Her with Joachim Phoenix and Scarlet Johanssen from 5 years ago https://www.warnerbros.com/her, where he falls in love with his operating system. Like you say, she’s perfect. I’ll watch it any time it comes on. Anyway, thanks for your insights, humor, drawings and just YOU. Your adoring fan, XXX
Oh this is just perfect. My husband expects these things of me but thank G-d he hates Siri. I should say he expects these things but doesn’t always get them. He loves me anyway, which is why I love him. Shana tovah
wonderful as always. never stop that creative brain of yours.
Your story made me laugh and cry at the same time. I did not take
Marriage 101 or Parenting 102. My husband acts like the other guys in your blog.
My sons and husband refer to me as the Sargent
….that tells you something . It gives me a laugh
Love this! I ask you though…hasn’t always been like this?? Men in general refer to all things they love to “she”s a beauty” …boat…car…motorcycle……Siri is just another “other woman” that takes up their time…we get to clean their laundry…cook…make sure they find everything easy…you know…all the fun stuff!
How clever! Never realized My trusted friend Siri was a threat to my marriage!
Gingy,
I’ve been 1 year without living without my partner and BFF and even though we txt and talk and email I can’t imagine being with anyone else. It’s all up to God if our lives will be
Spent together again. For now he is living up in WA and I’m down here in N. California. I wasn’t feeling well today and when you live alone, and get sick it sucks.
So count your blessings this “sweet new year” that you have someone to grow old with and that Siri has nothing on you.
Love always,
Arlyne
Ps your gift arrived safely and I’ll never let it go. When I’m in a Gingy mood I’ll wear it. Thank you berry berry strawberry much, dear friend.
Myron keeps shouting Seri into his phone and doesn’t get a response!!!!
Loved The Piece And Love You
i took out siri and replaced her with an australian man and he calls me Madam.
Funny, but it’s all true. You really hit the nail on the head.
Errol Flynn. And he’s been dead almost as long as I’ve been alive.
David Strathairn. He’s even my age.
Hi Ilene,
This is the best present for the Rosh Hashanah! Shana Tove to you too!
Love, Anat
Hi Ilene,
This is so funny, touching, honest, and ‘you’ as always. I am laughing. And choking up. I so love your writing.
Thank you again for your gifts.
Love, Nancy
Super look. Great content. What’s not to like?
Love it.
Allia
Oh, I am so happy to be on this blog list. And what a cutie it is, too.
When I first started writing, I, too, had story starters with clothing items like your Love, Loss, and What I Wore. I was soooooo worried I had unknowingly plagiarized. I, too, wrote for my children about my humorous mishaps/life stories because my parents were gone and I am an only child. They needed to have my memories and because they are millennial boys! Although the idea might have been the same, the implementation was not. I eventually started my stories from finds in the Attic, the Basement, and later my school Classroom.
Now that I have a publisher, I didn’t make it so much about “finding” items to begin the story, but told the story.
So, with that said, YOU have stayed on my mind when I first found out about you in 2015. I only started writing after I retired from teaching and your bio says you started later in life, as well! That was another similarity.
And now, I call you my inspiration!
Thank you for being you!
P.S. I sent my first book in 2015 to your publishers in Chapel Hill, but I bet you never got it.
P.S.S. – Looking forward to more from you. My current hottie is Armie Hammer, and yes, that’s his real name. Look him up. He’ll make your day.
Ilene…I love your blog…hysterically funny…and so real.