Some people are nuts about cats, some people are nuts about dogs, and some people are just nuts. I’m a dog person. I have nothing against cats, I even had a kitten once, but like children, kittens grow up and cease to be cute. I didn’t see the Broadway show “Cats” because tickets cost over […]

Numbers are as vital as oxygen, food, shelter, and Spandex. Where would Einstein be today without numbers? Where would Beethoven be without his 5th? How would we know when to celebrate July 4th without the 4? Numbers don’t lie unless you lie. Here’s my numbers as of today (no lies) but I expect changes (not […]

If you saw the movie “Forrest Gump,” you probably remember when Forrest Gump said,        Well, here’s something I always said, I’m taking the 5th Amendment about what I thinkabout broccoli. I’ve got grown “children.” I’vegot grandkids. They’d rather believe the storkbrought them. But sex is everywhere. People think about it.People fantasize about it. People […]

The New York Times is my hometown newspaper. I was born in New York City and grew up in Manhattan. Why would I read The Washington Post? Some people think the NYTimes is too liberal. Some people think it’s not liberal enough. I think it’s just too big. The September 14th weekend paper had 416 […]

When I go to a doctor for an annual checkup, even on a first visit to a new doctor, the doctor has his clothes on. I don’t. It’s a very awkward situation but I don’t say anything to him about it. If the doctor looks young enough to still be paying back his student loans, […]

Freud was always asking, “What do women want?” He never found out. He should have asked me. I know what women want.   They want accessories!   Freud didn’t know because men are lousy at accessories. They’re limited to a tie, a wallet, and a watch. If they’re daring, suspenders. Women are accessory experts from […]

I think that you shall never see the result of rhinoplasty on me. My nose works good like a good nose should. It sneezes in Spring breezes and though I’m old, still runs when it’s cold. Beyond a doubt it can breathe in and out. It can smell cookies baking and Chanel #5 it’s actually […]

The Sunday Book Review in The New York Times always profiles an author. One of the questions they usually ask is: “If you were having a dinner party, which three people, living or dead, would you invite?” I’ll never be profiled. The only one who would care about my answers anyway is me. But I’d […]

This June I’ll be 84. The things I remember. Small, unimportant things. Not my young mother’s funeral but the card table she’d open up in the living room because we didn’t have a dining table or dining room. Not a husband’s proposal but the shock that someone wanted to marry me. Not childbirth but a […]