I think that you shall never see
the result of rhinoplasty on me.
My nose works good like a good nose should.
It sneezes in Spring breezes and
though I’m old, still runs when it’s cold.
Beyond a doubt it can breathe in and out.
It can smell cookies baking and Chanel #5
it’s actually stronger than my sex drive.
Why do so many women want a nose job?
Even women who already look good. Even Tyra Banks, Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johanson, Katie Holmes. Even Lana Turner and Marilyn Monroe.
I can always tell if a woman had a nose job. My husband never believes me. She’s beautiful, he’ll say, why would she have needed a nose job?
Oh well.
My husband also thinks a woman’s false eye lashes are really hers. He thinks women on TV and magazine covers look like they do when they wake up in the morning.
Why are woman so hard on themselves and their noses?
My sister Tootsie had her nose fixed when she was 16. It was in the 1940s when plastic surgery on noses became as big as big noses.
My sister didn’t have a big nose like Cyrano. But that little bump bothered her every time she looked in a mirror.
Joel Gray’s daughter Jennifer Gray had a nose job after she starred in “Dirty Dancing.” Big mistake.
“I’ll always be this once- famous
actress nobody recognizes because
of a nose job.” Jennifer Gray
Do you think a prettier nose would make people love you more? Make you more successful?
Barbra Streisand kept her great nose—and still had a great career.
Do you hate your nose?
Where’s Mr. Roger’s when we need him? Or Billy Joel: They like us just the way we are.
If Gertrude Stein had written “A nose is a nose is a nose,” we might have thought of noses not as the most noticeable feature on a face but as the queenpin of a wonderful olfactory system. But maybe Gertrude didn’t like her nose.
Picasso liked girlfriends with big noses so much he painted them.
Do people with big noses smell things better than people with small noses?
Has anyone ever told you they have a deviated septum so they have to have some nose surgery.
Ha Ha Ha
Does everyone want to look like a Northern European or a Barbie doll and erase their racial heritage?
Will we all look the same and have small, thinner, more symmetrical noses?
Will the perfect nose assure us of a more perfect life?
Maybe someday big noses will be in vogue in Vogue.
When I was younger we wore girdles to make our derriere look flatter. But today, big butts are in. Maybe big schnozzles will be in tomorrow.
Anything can happen these days.
That’s as sure as the nose on your face.
You’re just a button click away and I’d love
to hear from you.
About your world, your family, your joys and frustrations, growing up, growing older, even recipes– even though I stopped cooking–by request–years ago.
Goodbye until next time…
Hope your day turns out
as well as I hope
(but doubt) mine will,
Gingy (Ilene)
I adore your writing, wit, and charm.
I wouldn’t mind having a back like Kim…but the butt is a joke.
When I was a teen, my ‘favorite’ uncle used to tell me how beautiful I was…except that I had a gap between my front teeth that needed fixing, and that ‘we’ll get you a nose job when you’re a little older.” My father ignored him and told me I was beautiful because I didn’t look exactly like all the other girls in magazines and movies.
I had a tendency to ignore my loving uncle too.
But I must admit there were times when I wished I could shave a bit off the bridge of my nose at least. It is so wide that it’s almost impossible to find glasses that fit properly and don’t hurt, and I can actually see my bridge as a blurred shadow especially when I look down. It made my eyes want to cross…really annoying. No deviated septum though.
When my aunt (Greek wife of said uncle, who supposedly had a largish Mediterranean bump on her proboscis which I barely remember) had her tastefully subtle nose job, I remember we were all told that she actually had a ‘deviated septum’ which HAD to be remedied so why not have the rest of it done while they were at it? I don’t think anyone bought it.
No one ever “got me a nose job”, but fortunately, as I’ve grown older and older and larger and larger, my nose appears to have grown smaller compared to my chubbier face. How lucky am I? My bridge is still in my way, but, if I had the opportunity to trim down anything it would probably be to restore the waist I lost after giving birth to huge kids, and the Italian Mamma arms I inherited from my otherwise tiny Nonna (she couldn’t have given me her cheek bones?)
Fortunately, I have found an extremely painless, cheap, and satisfying way to subtly change whatever I’m not happy with…in pictures at least…Photoshop (literally)! I’m highly skilled at performing minor face lifts, deleting third chins, removing age spots, softening too-deep wrinkles and reducing their number, dropping a dress size from 2X to XL…and no one is the wiser (except I did just put this on a blog didn’t I?) Seriously, I am good. If you’re ever in need of minor ‘work’…for web or print…Gingy has my info ; )
Thank you, as ever Ilene, for bringing a smile.
Love you always.
Wonderful column, but alas, here I am, the only one. Yes, I had a nose job. I forget when I had it, but I think it was about 25 years ago when I was 50 or thereabouts. I’d wanted one since high school. I just hated my big nose. Teresa Brewer was my ideal girl. It seemed feminist to me as an artist to be able to retouch myself, to do what I could to be more attractive, to photoshop myself. I have never been sorry. My nose is nowhere near Teresa Brewer’s and no one would mistake me for her, but my big hook nose is gone. My plastic surgeon was sensitive. He said, you have a big face, you need a big nose, we’ll just straighten it. I didn’t tell anyone, couldn’t deal. I had enough problems just doing it. Feministically speaking: we have standards of beauty, we dye our hair, we wear makeup, dress to flatter. We’re not animals. Why is the line drawn here? Maybe it’s just people with cute little noses or straight noses or patrician noses who can’t see the point?
Noses and buts were never my concern. I was born with a small nose and a flat butt. Did that make me more beautiful? I don’t know, but beauty is from the inside, and personally, I don’t think a big butt is attractive. My husband’s nose is on the big side, and he is taken for any ethnic group except Scandinavian. I still like him. He tells me that the first thing he noticed about me was neither my nose or my butt….
In my eyes, I think we all look the same as when we were 18. You were exotic and pretty then and you still are!
Oh my gosh. The big rear thing. My young life esp in the late 70s and 80s it was no butt and stick legs. And I always had a rear and muscular legs. Now my daughter and her friends buy jeans which make their rear look bigger. Where was Kim Kardashian when I was growing up. Never thought about a nose job but I missed the Spanish nose of my dad. My cousin, my age, got it and she had plastic surgery. Funny this was it took my mom mentioning it for me to notice. I thought — I knew something was different. And that’s what I’d say. I not sure she looks more attractive, just different. But I guess if it makes someone feel better than it’s worth it.
Hi Gingy and Others – As I’m sitting here reading about the stress you all have endured because of your perceived need to have a nose job, I look up at the TV to see an idiotic Botox commercial showing women in their late 20’s who appear to be using this “magic” treatment. What’s going on? “Demonstrate love by giving it, unconditionally, to yourself. And as you do, you will attract others into your life who will love you without conditions.”
G,
I always liked my nose but had awkward years with my hair styles growing up.
Happy when the “Hippie era” came in and have been wearing my hair long ever since.
Many of my Jewish friends in high school had nose jobs back in the late 60s.
My last boyfriend his whole face was his nose but he was a great drummer,
Enjoyed hiking, and loved to vacuum. We still are friends.
It’s not what you look like it’s what’s inside that counts. Hollywood would differ.
Peace,
Ar
Wonderful blog
Tootsie had a really large nose bump that really justified a nose repair
We both loved her just as much before and after !!!
Great story on noses. We all think about it, but never say it!
Dear Ilene,
You said what I feel, experienced, and still experience about my nose with such humor, truth, and poignancy. Thank you for another gem!
Oh how I identified with this MAHVELOUS essay!! Did we go to the same High School in NYC…. Hunter? If so, then you saw my teenage nose.
Anyway, I drove my mother crazy because of my hatred of my “Jewish” nose!!! Thankfully she just let me rant. Why not… she had a great nose. I have what I was born with and it looks pretty good on me. My husband adores me and that is all that matters!
I grew up one of 4 daughters. I would be richer today if I had a nickel for every time some one said to my father ” What a lucky man…4 daughters no nose jobs to pay for.” But I understand why some people benefit from them.
Always have been identified because of my ‘big’ nose…..shes Italian they said…how can you tell asked the 8th grade teacher…..because her nose is big!….never had a nose job….and never will. Leta all just be grateful that we can smell
My cousin and i went to an Armenian movie and fell in love with every man in the audience and then we realized that we loved the way they looked.
They all had big noses.
My job during the summer of my Senior year during High school was at New York Hospital. One of the Doctors there wanted to fix my nose for free.
I’m glad I did not take him up on the offer
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my new party coleslaw is a package of coleslaw cabbage at the supermarket mixed with Kentucky fried coleslaw…it is plain and delicious.
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if I were nice i would respond to every request for feedback but then i would never have time for anything else.
Gingy:
I really like your poem and this blog post in general. I know a woman who, although she is beautiful and her mother is beautiful and has aged beautifully, this woman has decided to have Botox or whatever it is to her face, so she continually looks puffed up and actually distorted, looks nothing like her old self, and kind of creepy now. If you know what I mean. Why????? I do not get it.
This is amazing! You never fail to put a smile or a great laugh on my face with your posts. You have such a unique and refreshing way about your writing. These need to be published for the whole world to see. You have such great talent and it shows in your writing. Keep it up!!
I always thought it was great to have no but!!!!
Ginny. your right on target as usua.l.
Love this.
Love you.
Miss you.
CRW
love love love this one! Thanks Ilene!