Even normal guys–sons, boyfriends, husbands, even fathers—think about fooling around with somebody new. Even President Jimmy Carter confessed in a Playboy interview,
When woman look provocative, men look. And lust.
And whatever.
What’s a girlfriend or wife to do?
First, let’s reform porn.
Introducing Granny Porn.
Only women with an AARP card would be licensed to
work in porn.
Porn stars would be called Hot Flash Fanny and Geriatric Gerty instead of Desiree and Kandi,
XXX rated movie “Debbie Does Dallas” would be replaced by “Debbie Does Dirty Dishes” and “Deep Throat” would become “Sore Throat” and given out with lozenges.
The Bada Bing Club would become Bubbe’s Bagel Bin.
Cane dancing would replace pole dancing.
Only things Grannys would have to take off are their medical alert pendants.
They’ll be an extra charge for lap dancing.
Nothing feels as good as sitting on Grandma’s big,
warm, soft lap.
Second, lets Introduce Granny Burlesque
The most famous strippers never exposed their privacy.
Gypsy Rose Lee, a high class stripper, made a fortune with witty intellectual recitations while slowly dropping a shoulder strap or removing a glove. 
Natalie Wood was naughty in the movie “Gypsy” but you never saw anything you wouldn’t see on a beach (an American beach).
Lili St. Cyr had her bubble bath.
Sally Rand had her ostrich feathers.
Josephine Baker had her bananas.
And Fanny Foxe had Arkansas Congressman Wilber Mills as her cover. 
Think about what Granny stars could do with their aprons…
Granny nightgowns…
and Christmas sweaters.
Best part of all is that once the guys see Granny porn and Granny burlesque, they might never lust again. Except maybe Jimmy Carter.
You’re just a button click away–
and I’d love to hear from you.
About your world, your family, your joys and frustrations,
growing up, growing older, even recipes–even though I
stopped cooking–by request–years ago.
Goodbye until next time…
Hope your day turns out as well as I hope (but doubt) mine will,
Gingy (Ilene)
Dearest GIngy,
I have ALWAYS wanted to direct burlesque! Now I know what I should do – cast Grannies!!! Hahaha. But seriously, I think you’d be great at it. Let’s be to you and Stanley.
All Best, Always,
Karen
Thank you for your comments. My computer system doesn’t allow me to answer individually but you mean a lot to me.
Oh I’m happy to find your blog. I just read about you in Delia Ephron’s book. Anyway, I’m excited to explore your interesting thoughts and drawings on this site.
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Great visuals….very funny. My husband came up wth more to say, but it’s inappropriate and #metoo would out him. Oh well…….
Thanks, Gingy, for the laughs on a rainy Sunday morning.
Love it, thanks for sharing. Clever as you always are.
Splendidly witty, Gingy–partly because your observations about geezers like me are spot on. (Otherwise, they wouldn’t be witty, of course.). ONE OF YOUR BEST, Danke!
You crack me up as usual, Ilene. I promise to visit soon for proper face to face laughs. Thanks for coming to the reading last month—your presence and two-cents (read $1mil in 2018) mean the world to me!
Sara,
You are always wearing the blue dress when I think of you–and that is often.
xo
thanks for the chuckles again, ilene. and especially your darling drawings of us baubys in tantalizing attire. as long as we’re still breathing we can be naughty as all get out. hugs from sara in the blue dress.
I was laughing out loud…\and..I am still chuckling.
Cari,
Thanks. Glad to meet you. I was an innocent until my
kids were teenagers when I learned a whole new vocabulary.
Hope you stay in touch. Gingy
Dearest Gingy,
I opened up my email from Erma Bombeck Writing camp and discovered you received humor writer of the month. CONGRATS!
Your dry wit makes me smile out loud!
I’m sitting in Subway having lunch while the guy at the next table has his phone conversation on speaker. When did people start thinking we want to hear them publicly talk about cleaning out their closets? Some expletives have been used which could almost make their conversation interesting, but they lacked zip and proper structure within the sentence. You seem like the kind of gal who could cuss with style… I’m looking to reading more of your work.
Blessings