I’ve read shopping is therapy. Who doesn’t need therapy these days. So I’m off to Walmart.
But I read that Walmart only hires old people who they underpay. Did they correct that? Or is that another store? Or is that the store that won’t support Planned Parenthood? Or did they correct that? I can’t keep up with where I should shop and where I shouldn’t.
For fun, I once counted over 50 different kinds of women’s deodorant at Walmart. But bending down to see the bottom shelf isn’t fun. Does anybody— do you—ever buy anything from the bottom shelf?
I’m always drawn to exotic deodorants. How could anyone resist Secret’s Fresh Pasion de Tango? If I put it under my underarms maybe it would it change my life.
There was a man pushing his cart down the aisle who needed a shave and to lose 20 pounds. Actually, he looked a lot like Al Gore. But Al and Fresh Pasion didn’t seem to go together so I put it back and picked up Degree’s Body Responsive Fresh Oxygen. I wanted to make Al happy. He hasn’t looked happy since he and Tipper split.
I sniffed Secret’s Ooh-la-la- Lavender, Suave’s Wild Cherry Blossoms, Degree’s Dry Lilac, and Tom’s of Maine Honeysuckle Rose. I wondered if Tom looked like Al Gore. I wondered if he recycled. I wondered if I could be happy living in Maine.
I considered deodorants for women who are sensitive. I do tear up no matter how many times I see Cary Grant find Debra Kerr’s wheelchair in “An Affair to Remember.” Even though he should have known what was up when she didn’t get up.
The coupons in my purse had all expired. But Walmart takes everything back, even if you’ve worn it for two years. I like to shop there because I am a returner. I couldn’t even finish “You Can’t Go Home Again.” But I’m wary that I’ll buy something at Walmart somebody wore for two years and then returned.
I hadn’t even decided if I wanted roll-on, gel, spray, or powder yet.
A headache was starting. Another aisle. Another decision: Aspirin, Advil, Motrin, Tylenol, Excedrin, Equate, Anacin, Aleve—extra strength, fast action, for day, for night, for children, for migraines, for menstrual aches, in pills, liquid, gel, caplets. I was getting a headache from my headache.
Nobody asks me to decide about important things in the world so something like choosing a deodorant, unimportant as it is, becomes more important than it should.
I can’t do anything about the world falling apart. At least my underarms will be dry.
You’re just a button click away– and I’d love to hear from you.
About your world, your family, your joys and frustrations, growing up, growing older, even recipes–even though I stopped cooking–by request–years ago.
Goodbye until next time…
Hope your day turns out as well as I hope
(but doubt) mine will,
Gingy (Ilene)
This is so funny and enjoyable to read, amazing, love it, keep it up 🙂
I’m so lucky, I guess. I don’t have to shave under my arms ever since I was taking prescription methotrexate (which I got cheap from Kaiser – not the prescription counter anywhere) and lost all body hair except on my head and don’t perspire anymore either. And, anyway, Chez Target is my big store of choice so I can’t comment on shopping at Walmart, though the one time I was desperate for a kitchen timer, it took forever to find the aisle and then, of course, of all the timers, none met my requirements and neither did Target. Had to go to Amazon. It has any type of time machine you could imagine – probably deodorant too.
Ginny- you are absolutely hilarious. A better aisle than deodorant is the aisle that has anti-aging creams, lotions, and potions. Which one makes my husband not have wrinkles while I do? A mystery! And, the ones I choose are never on the bottom shelves even though I am short, and that eliminates the top shelves.
I am still laughing 😉
Ilene,
Nice work. That deodorant, cereal, you name the product thing is called “the tyranny of choice. Too many choices and promises that go with is tyrannical.
At my somewhat advanced age, I am finding little need for deodorant. One less choice. BTW who made that rule about wearing deodorant?
Oh girls,
You inspire me.
XO
Gingy,
If your deodorant doesn’t say ALUMINUM FREE don’t buy it even if it smells
Divine. Aluminum is not healthy under the armpits or anywhere else.
Been busy volunteering in my new community.
Have made my new home a place I can’t wait to come home to.
Love walking everywhere.
I’m the new kid in the neighborhood, at 66, the oldest is 92.
Love this time of year of wrapping gifts and giving gifts.
It’s been in the 30s here brrrrrr
But feel grateful I have a home that’s cozy and home and pray that
Every community address their homeless problem and come up with a humane solution to it without judgement, No one should have to go without the basics in our society.
Peace & Light & Love,
Arlyne
I…How WONDERFUL to hear from you! I think of you often, as I do about the handful of fellow “Ilene’s” I know. There ARE so few of us…though more seem to emerge as they see how unique the original “I’s” are. ;-))
But I digress. My first screening of the CG/DK AAtR was when I was about 12. I remember that TV broadcast like it was yesterday…though we know it surely wasn’t! Even at that age, I KNEW this was TRUE ROMANCE. I cried uncontrollably, as I don’t think I ever had or have since at a movie.
Hugs and warmest regards for the holiday season and New Year to you. I. ;-))
Sara,
My special friend.
The blue dress that made memories you shared.
So glad we’re still in touch so many years later.
Happy holiday. XO
It’s always a delight to read your words, Ilene. And, thanks for starting me worrying about whether my deodorant is interesting enough. big hugs from your decades long fan in the blue dress. Sara