My name is Allie Edelman and I am Ilene (Gingy) Beckerman’s granddaughter. I am her oldest grandchild and of course her favorite (to lecture).

My birthday is in September and she said I could  write her Blog this month as her birthday gift to me  (actually, she didn’t know what to buy me and said  I didn’t need anything anyway).

A little background on me. I am 25, a graduate of UMass at Amherst. According to my grandma, I need to find a new hairdresser because my hair is too blonde and I’m starting to look too Jersey. I also bite my nails. “Big turn off…chew gum— but make sure you close your mouth when you chew!” –Grandma

I am a huge sports girl and play basketball twice a week.  I work for a big real estate company but everyone knows that I am not career focused like my two younger sisters. My only and biggest focus is simple: find a husband that will make my grandma happy—“Someone whose nice, educated,  successful, monogamous, has a sense of humor, is at  least 5’10” and not hairy”–Grandma.

Let me first mention – I do have one nice handsome male in my life. He is great to cuddle, never argues, and loves me unconditionally – my dog Albie. I don’t think he is going to make the cut for my grandmother though.

Let’s just say I only dated a nice boy from Long Island when I  was in college but we went our separate ways when college  ended. It happens right?

Now here I am almost 26 and more single than ever.

“Allie, do you have a date this weekend? I need great  grandchildren” – my grandma’s favorite saying.

Let’s just say my dating record has not been so hot since college.

Now that dating is all online and courting is over I thought  I should follow the trend. To sum it up I am and have been on  every online dating known to man beside farmers only and  gay mingle.

Here are a few I am currently on:

J date

J swipe

Tinder

Bumble

Each site is pretty similar. You check out every guy on it and swipe  left if you are not into them, swipe right if you are into them and  then you can message and set up a date to meet.

The most important things you need to remember before going on these dates is ALWAYS wear mascara and don’t dress too sexy. No man wants to marry a slut. Let’s all guess who said this to me?

All the first dates are pretty similar. We meet for drinks, I always suggest drinks because if you do dinner you are stuck for several hours. I always get a vodka soda – light and not a lot of Calories. The guy usually gets beers.

First dates are always the same, the guy is usually on his best behavior. You learn how much he hates his job and how much he loves his mother. I’m so nervous I ramble, blush and pray I don’t have any food stuck in my teeth.

Everything seems good until date two. Date two they tell you how hot you are. They want to hook up. I want to say good bye.

The next night you will probably get a text at 2 a.m. from one of your dates “U up?” For all you non-millennials this means they want to hook up and you run for your life. As my grandma and Patty Singer (the Million Dollar Matchmaker) would say, “No sex before monogamy.”  Ain’t that the truth???

To sum it up let’s just say- online dating is not for me and it never moves past second base.

Now let’s talk about meeting men organically. I can’t tell you the number of times my co-workers, friends and family try to set me up.  “Look Allie – he’s so cute and I think he’s Jewish.”

I always go on a date when people set me up because basically my grandma installed in my brain, “You have to go out with everyone.  They could have a nice friend for you, GO!!”

Her new thing is “I can’t believe you still haven’t called the cantor’s son. You need to call him now!” I never called him but never told her that.

So here I am as single as ever and my grandma is still waiting but I go out with everyone for the memories and experience.

If you have any suggestions or know any good guys who are looking for a nice girl willing to dye her hair any color, please leave a comment or email my grandma at [email protected] and she’ll follow through.

After all, she’s had three husbands and she does run my love life. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why I’m single.

Xoxo your NJG (nice Jewish girl)

Allie Edelman