Is there any romance on the internet?

Seems to me that even though everybody’s communicating with everybody else all the time now, everybody’s got less to say, says it in a hurry, using abbreviations I still haven’t figured out. Does LOL mean lots of love or laugh out loud?

I miss getting mail, holding a letter in my hand, feeling close to someone who really thought about what they were writing.

I’ve saved a few letters from when I was younger, tied them in a blue satin ribbon. My boyfriend at the time wrote them by hand, so not only do I have his words, I can look at his handwriting done in the thick inky pen he used to write his college notes in, touch the paper he wrote on, touch the paper he touched.

I love those letters—and not just because I haven’t received any love letters in years.

Does anybody ever save their Facebook, Twitter, Blog, Text, Instagram, Pinterest, or whatever is the newest internet communication program? Tie them in a blue satin ribbon?

 

LOVE LETTERS THROUGH TIME

Napoleon to Josephine
“…Some fine night, the doors will be broken open, and there I’ll be.”

Elizabeth Barrett to Robert Browning
…”It seems to me, to myself, that no man was ever before to any woman what you are to me.”

Zelda to F. Scott Fitzgerald
…”Scott—there’s nothing in the world I want but you—and your precious love.”

Sara Delano Roosevelt to her son Franklin
“Darling Franklin, I am feeling pretty blue. You are gone…Do write. I am already longing to hear.”

Elizabeth Taylor to Richard Burton
“…I wish I could tell you of my…pure animal pleasure for you…Anyway, I lust thee.”

Marilyn Monroe to Joe DiMaggio
“…I love you till my heart could burst. All I love, all I want, all I need is you—forever.”

Patty Smith to Robert Mapplethorpe
“…of all of your work, you are still your most beautiful. The most beautiful work of all.”

1957 College Boy to College Girl
“I have always loved you—then, now, and tomorrow….You are the one object that I have been able to touch with all that I feel.”

2016 Guy on Internet to Girl on Internet
“Nice profile. U r cute. Want 2 hook up.”

 

MOM’s TWEETS TO DAUGHTER

Tweet
I’m looking forward to your mother-in- law’s dinner Sunday but if she’s making her faux sushi meatballs again, I might have a previous engagement.
@XO Mom #acidindigestion

Tweet
Just out of curiosity, I was looking at some of those dating sites for seniors. Do you think people lie about their age? Do I have to tell my real weight?
@XO Mom #forever21

Tweet
Do you think there is an age limit for wearing false eyelashes?
@XO Mom #extending

Tweet
Jennifer said she’d hang out with me on Saturday. Tell your daughter to leave her iPhone at home. Tell me what you’re supposed do when you hang out.
@XO Mom #ishangoutlikehookup

Tweet
I had a checkup with Dr. Fisher yesterday. He didn’t find anything wrong. Do you think I should change doctors?
@XO Mom #gonefishing

Tweet
I was just thinking, why did you go to graduate school and why did we pay for it?
@XO Mom #wasted

 

GRANNY’S TEXTING TO GRANDDAUGHTER

July 1:
You met him on the computer? You saw his picture? How do you know it’s his picture? How do you know he’s not a serial killer from Boston?
July 14:
You’re meeting him tonight? You’re going out with a stranger? Don’t get in his car. I’ll call you a few time to make sure you’re alright so make sure you answer. But you want me to go with you—I’ll wait in the car. I’m not doing anything anyway. I can miss watching “America’s Got Talent.” It’s reruns anyway.
July 15:
You got home? You didn’t call me yet. Sooooo? Did he buy you dinner? Who paid? You like him? He has a job—a real one not like a musician. Tell me everything. He has a mother? He lives with her or who?
July 16:
I know you’re very busy. So call me later tonight and tell me everything. Don’t forget anything. I won’t tell your mother.

 

Emails I Never Sent

To Jane Fonda,

I’ve never been a fan of yours. You were too pretty and too thin. But I wanted you  to know that I changed my mind. I’ve been watching “Grace and Frankie” on Netflik and if you’re really like Grace, I am now a big fan. We have something in  common, We both had three husbands  but I still have my third one, Could you please tell me who did your face work and how many times. You look good but you’d look even better if you gained a few pounds. Big butts are in these days and yours is flat.

Your fan,

Gingy

 

To My Daughter,

I told you to marry the other guy.

Love,

Mom

 

To Chelsea Handler,

I read you grew up in Livingston, New Jersey.  I raised my children there but I want you to  know I was born and grew up in MANHATTAN.  ON THE EAST SIDE! Thank goodness we both got out of Livingston. You’re very pretty all over. I bet if you looked  like me, you wouldn’t have your own show. Do you really use all those drugs? I read they  might give you facial hair and make you bald,  then what would you do?

Your fan,

Gingy

 

To Gloria Steinem,

I just read how old you are. Older than me by a few months. Not a big deal but it is something.  You still look good. Not as good as you  used to but better than me. You must do  a lot of maintenance. Actually, I think you have more neck wrinkles than I have—  but you’re much thinner than me. I bet  you could still fit into your Playboy Bunny  outfit.  I’ve kept a few of my thin clothes but I  can’t get them over my head or past what  used to be my waistline.  Well, anyway, glad you’re still here.  And I am, too.

Gingy

 

You’re just a button click away– and I’d love to hear from you.

About your world, your family, your joys and frustrations, growing up, growing older, even recipes–even though I stopped cooking–by request–years ago.

 

Goodbye until next time…

Hope your day turns out as well as I hope
(but doubt) my will,

Gingy (Ilene)